Embrace the Mary Oliver way of life
Written By: Nina Stephens ‘27
Edited By: Angelica Marin ‘27
As nature slowly grows desolate with each leaf that floats onto the sidewalk, it is crucial to surround yourself with relaxation. I walk along Comm. Ave into the Public Gardens, find a bench – or the roots of a weeping willow – and open Devotions by Mary Oliver. My new Friday ritual after my classes end, something that began while wearing a mini skirt and a tank top and has quickly evolved into jeans and a sweater. My favorite thing to do is close my eyes, flip through every page, and place my hand in the folds of the book to choose a poem that’ll ‘predict’ my weekend. Sometimes I’ll land on a poem I’ve never heard of, like “Yes! No!”, but my favorite weekend of the semester was defined by ‘Wild Geese’, a piece I’ve familiarized myself with over the past two years.
‘Wild Geese’ is a poem that’s stuck by my side during the most formative events of my life, through former home screens and a framed print on my bedside table. It’s a smooth drive down an oceanfront road, a cup of warm tea as rainfall hits your window, and the feeling of Sunday morning walks along the Esplanade. The opening line “You do not have to be good.” tells us the importance of viewing yourself through a compassionate lens. On days where I can’t possibly think highly of myself, Oliver’s opening line rings through my brain. She recommends seeing yourself through the eyes of a loved one, letting go of the guilt that joins the need to be seen as “good”. You do not have to follow anyone’s ideas of yourself, you can simply live. I begin to ignore the part of my brain telling me I’m not good enough, dissolving the gray cloud of expectation that lies above my head. Although it may sound useless, I embrace positive affirmations, repeating Oliver’s words over and over again to remove the impulse to satisfy others’ assumptions of myself. I sit in the park and underline her words with my finger, memorializing the soft opening to a tender work of art.
As the poem flows on, you come to Oliver instructing you to, “Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.” I sit with this and begin some self reflection (intimidating – I know). Oliver is reinforcing the need for a community, a sense of belonging. No one is capable of surviving completely on their own, we rely on those short check-ins to continue personal growth. There is something so simple yet dire about relating to one another and growing together. I would not be who I am without my friends and family. They have held me up in the toughest of times and have supported me at my highest. I think of moments of desperation, but then I think of the first laugh I had at an off-handed joke to distract me from my sadness. These are the feelings Oliver is evoking, she wants us to remember the importance of leaning on one another.
She follows this short phrase with “Meanwhile the world goes on”. I close my eyes to allow this to hit me as intended. No matter the despair one may feel, each moment spent in loss is fleeting – difficulty, like everything, will remain temporary. By using “Meanwhile” to begin this phrase, something she does an additional two times in the poem, she reminds us that the world is still turning. We may be faced with hopelessness, yet everything must continue around us. She does not condescend us for feeling lost. Oliver wants to show us that this too will pass, you’ve survived through struggle before and you will do it again. I see Oliver’s overall message embodied in these two lines – embrace belonging and understand that the pain that naturally comes with living will eventually subside.
Oliver characteristically ends her work with prose that feels like a much needed hug, consoling you in a way only possible with her talent. This is evident in the final lines of ‘Wild Geese’:
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
The themes of nature, belonging, and self affirmation appear once more to reinforce the importance of her message. You may feel lonely, but the world is something that will never leave your side. You are free to be who you want, as the wild geese are free to fly. You are welcomed, accepted, beloved – something that can only come from being supported by your community. I look around and observe the park, an act that so easily slips from my mind in my fast-paced everyday life.
This poem always hits me the hardest while sitting in the gardens, which I assume is due to the actual presence of Oliver’s subject for the poem – the geese. In complete honesty, I am terrified of these birds, fearful they might hiss at me or bite. I typically shoo them away or turn my head in case they “sense my fear”. But not on this Friday, not while I’m attempting to understand Mary Oliver’s soothing way of living.
The common themes throughout Oliver’s work is taking life slowly, looking closely at the little things, and acknowledging the role of nature in our lives. As I sit in the Public Gardens, I become nervous as a gust of wind sends a chill throughout my body, anticipating the harsh Boston winter that lies before us. Instead of dwelling on a future I have no control over, I look as the weeping willows come to life with each gust, I spot the squirrels burying their acorns, I feel the damp grass underneath me. As I follow Mary Oliver’s advice, I take a deep breath, reaffirm myself that I am who I am meant to be, and continue looking at life through forgiving eyes.