The Importance of Female Friendships
Written By: Nina Stephens ‘27
Edited By: Angelica Marin ‘27
It was Sammy who picked me up off the floor and wiped my tears after my first heartbreak. After having only known each other for a mere two months, I could have never imagined the genuine love our friendship would quickly develop, one which would soon grow into a lifelong bond. Throughout fighting over barbies, giving comfort after family members passing, or moving in all sorts of directions to college — my girl friends have never left my side.
We have seen countless depictions of female friendship, from Samantha and Carrie to Hannah and Marnie, the media’s focus on female friendships has been a reoccurring theme. Similarly, over the past few years, the idea of preserving ‘girlhood’ and valuing female friendships has blossomed in popularity. The iconic phrase ‘we were girls together’ has recently been written, spoken, sung, reposted, and just about sent around in every possible form of media. The innocence in female friendships is depicted in the idea of rejoicing in growing old together through this saying; those who were once girls transition into womanhood, side by side. The bond placed by a chance meeting on a playground at three becomes the person you’d call in every empty moment, the one you’ve pinky-promised will be your bridesmaid. The support upheld by female friendships is unrivaled and vital to our survival, emphasizing the importance of treasuring these relationships.
On average, female friendships last sixteen years, which is six years greater than the average romantic relationship. These friendships are anecdotally important to us, but the crucial supportive details are rooted in fact. According to an article in the journal Feminism and Psychology, a study following female friendships in the age of social media found that women surround themself with a necessary environment of leisure once with their friends. When a mutually beneficial relationship is enjoyed between two female friends, they are in a ‘safe haven’ – no longer experiencing the weight of sexist stereotypes placing them in a box to act a certain way. When women are expected by society to constantly be productive or optimistic, they release these tensions in their safe havens. We are able to be our authentic selves when chatting over a cup of coffee with our girl friends, no longer having to live up to anyone else’s ideas of ourselves but our own. In a culture which fosters such intense self surveillance and criticism through social media, we can finally relinquish those needs when with one another. Not only does ‘debriefing’ with your friends excite you, it is scientifically proven to improve your mental health.
Women are encouraged from a young age to cooperatively share their feelings, while men historically have been left out of the conversation in order to nurture their independence through competition. Although upsetting, these differences in female and male upbringing explain female tendency to put more effort into sustaining friendships with one another. This reflects not only in personal relationships, but in all aspects of life. According to a study within the National Academy of Sciences peer reviewed journal, PNAS, women with strong inter-career relationships are two and a half times higher in authority and pay than those without equal support.
While male position in their careers is highly determined by their ‘network centrality’, how important they are to their field after being placed in their first leadership position, women in the workplace must develop tight-knit circles to attain their authority. Specifically, in male-dominated fields, women must seek relevant information about job cultures and how to triumph against sexism in their career. If women attempt to ‘climb the ladder’ in their career without a close circle of women to support them, they are less likely to gain influential positions in their field. Therefore, female relationships hold weight in everything– whether it be an after dinner gossip session with your childhood best friend to relax or a quick lunch break with a new found coworker, each bond we share with one another supports us in countless ways.
By far the most profound information about female friendships is the actuality that they save your life. While this feels borderline unbelievable, a study published within the Journal of Clinical Oncology found that women with early stage breast cancer are four times more likely to die from cancer if they lack many female friends. Whether the friends were sitting directly next to a woman as she got her diagnosis, or they were on the phone daily thousands of miles away, the benefits were apparent in every style of support. The study emphasizes the depth of these friendships, showing that while someone may have 5,000 followers on Instagram, they may not genuinely reap the benefits of close friendship. The importance lies within the quality of these relationships, when women truly feel comfortable with one another to share the hardships they face as they undergo traumatic events throughout their lives, such as a breast cancer diagnosis.
Women have the potential to provide an incomparable quality of support to one another. I am lucky enough to have met some of my greatest friends when I was barely three years old while finding more and more in newly discovered relationships over the past year. There is no limit of love allotted for these friendships, my admiration for each of my friends grows more and more every single day. I am ever grateful for the support, guidance, and grace that each of my girls grant me. There is so much untapped power within these relationships, and we must do everything in our ability to savor each and every moment in them.
Call your girl friends, give them a hug, send them flowers, show your people how much they mean to you! Friendships are built on effort and effort alone, you cannot gather the love of a female friendship overnight. If you truly value your friendships at the weight they’re worth, it just might save your life.
Sources
https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1721438116#sec-2 https://journals.lww.com/oncology-times/Fulltext/2011/10100/Stronger_Social_Support_Shown_to_Improve_Early.7.aspx